Morbid euphoria

"The longer the period under the pressure of euphoria becomes, the more
captivating and also more shackling it is.
Each subsequent step may be unpredictable. I still do plan the entire upcoming
journey – an hour, a day, a week – but unpredictable twists in my mental space
rework everything. Torment through new choking and relentless ideals that burden
the mind until those thoughts take over all aspects of life. Appetite disappears, and
a sickening, intoxicating feeling arises.
The mental beating takes on new forms over time – maybe physical self-whipping
would free me from these thoughts and feelings. It’s just exhausting. My brain could
explode at any moment, and it wouldn’t surprise me at all. It's simply impossible to
focus my thoughts on other essential life matters. Simply impossible. A painful calm
prevails. The inability to pull oneself out. There is no direct path through which I
could step back over the edge into reality. I just have to let time carry me.”

Steel, old cans, brass
2019-2024